07 March 2011

confessions of a sleep-deprived AP student

Dear college admissions director,
I know I should have a more impressive application. Sorry for its lacking quality. I know I should have taken 15 APs in high school, not my scant 10. And I know I should have been president of at least 2 clubs, not vice president of 1. And I should have been a member of at least 5 clubs, not 2. I tried to go out for sports too, but I had to drop it to keep up with my school work. I tried to join honors societies, but I didn't have enough time for the volunteer hours. I would do a summer volunteer program abroad, but the cost broke the bank. I wanted to do so much more, but I couldn't. In other words, I tried.
Sincerely,
a tired, estranged, and harried applicant.

This is typical of most AP students. As I say, AP isn't a class type - it's a lifestyle. It's a life choice. And it has an influence of everything. Us AP geeks tend to go in over our heads, and we try to be everywhere, leading everything, making progress in the world, being better than everyone else. It can get a little cutthroat, and we're not even in college yet.
Who told us to take 6 APs each semester? Who said you have to be president of 5 clubs? Who said you have to be a star athlete and award winning actress, as well as a musical and artistic prodigy? Who said you have to make every decision, including whether or not to go to school with a flu, based on if it will affect college?
The answer: are you ready for it?
No one.
Well, we are getting some tense vibes from growing-ly competitive colleges, but we don't have to be everything. I mean, who are we trying to impress here? Will colleges take us seriously if we commit to everything but not even to ourselves? Let's get real. Will they really be that strict?
I think not.
I mean, it's our goal to have the left column of our transcripts be neatly branded with "AP", the stamp of success. But that doesn't mean we have to give 1000% all the time.
Technically, we are still kids. Under the law we have no legal rights. Kids shouldn't have to be working as hard as their parents. I'm not discouraging AP, but I think that sometimes we breathe in too much AP and we catch the AP fever. We go out of control and become addicted to taking all APs. Then we forget that inside of us is a person who wants to love, grow, and be happy. And we can't when we stifle our happiness.
Don't overdo it. Live a little. And this applies to other things as well. When you over commit to everything, you have no more to commit to yourself. That's sad.
Remember yourself. Listen to yourself. Listen to your heart. Sometimes us APs need to listen to that instead of our heads. Happiness can come in the form of 5s on an AP test - but is it really worth it when your own happiness and well-being is at stake?
s long as you are confident in who you are, you'll go far.

06 March 2011

pullin' a teddy roosevelt

Oh Sunday night. The midnight frenzy to get things done, when just two days ago we were waving our hands, shooing away responsibility. "I've got time." Now look at what time has done to us. It has come. It has snuck up on us. On me.
And now I'm in for a roller coaster of math test corrections (...), poster projects, bloggage, and finishing reading to page 50 in Their Eyes Were Watching God. Perfect. No math corrections done, poster is almost done, bloggage - in the making, and only on page 13. Going to be a fun night.
But I'm excited because tomorrow is AP night, where they talk about AP classes for next year. And you get to see all of your AP nerd friends and talk about how great AP This sounds and how awful AP That seems. I really don't know why I am this excited about it, but I really am. It's just a rollickin' good time.
And I also have this sense of hope, as I sit here and neglect my school work. I feel like I will finish the book (well, to page 50 at least) and the poster as well. I finished my Google design, which I am mighty proud of. But I can't post a picture until after the contest closes. You know, just in case. People are wacky sometimes. But I feel like since I finished the drawing, I can finish these things. I just have a feeling I can.
The reason I named the post after TR is because he is fresh in my mind (our topic in history was on him, Taft, and Wilson). Our poster project is on Progressive Presidents, and so I did a Taft-Roosevelt combo. It turned out lovely. But anyway, tonight I will just have to pull a Teddy. Because when he saw injustice or he wanted a change, it happened. Just like that. He made so many things happen that it's hard to keep track - laws, acts, organizations, pop culture items. So tonight I will make something happen - my stuff will get done.
Thank you TR, for pulling me through. Or at least motivating me to pull through.

05 March 2011

a healthy dose of thoreau

This can now officially be called a senior blog in that I have now blogged over 65 times! Which, bloggoforically speaking, means I am in retirement. Oh the irony.
I will dedicate this post to one of my fellow Transcendentalists, Henry David Thoreau. Enjoy.
My first post of the year was about a calender that I made and how wonderful the lady at Staples was. So I was looking at my calendar today, and I was reading a Thoreau quote. I have 12 quotes from him in each page. To boost morale and such.
So the quotes were intended to give me something to ponder each month. But I never did. So I will now.
January: "A man is rich in proportion to the things he can afford to let alone."
This quote needed some rereading. I never got it the first time. Or the second. not sure if I even got it. But when reading Walden, one of his main ideas is that you become more enslaved to your things if you acquire more. Like a house, a family, etc. So I am guessing that it means you are a more valuable person if you can learn to live without certain things. Which I think is true. Some of the most compassionate people came from nothing. They are worth more because their character is all they have.
February: "As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude with not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness."
This is a great one. Not to put on a motivational quote app, but good for pondering. There are so many facets to it, like a stone. It is so true. Imagine if we all did what Thoreau did, and we went out into the forest and cut all ties with society. There would be no laws of the universe other than gravity and the supernatural. There would be no solitude because you would be alone (that sounds paradoxical, perhaps even just stupid, but really if there is no one else, there can be no such thing as anti-solitude. So solitude becomes normality and there is no other option). Poverty would not exist because everyone would be equal and we would not have to fight with each other. And weakness would not exist because then we would have to be competing with others, and others do not exist in the solitary world. It sounds like a great world.
March: "Be true to your work, your word, and your friend."
Not necessarily in that order. I like this one because it's short and easy to remember. Be true to your work. This is always nice, but sometimes it is hard to do, because we will often try to get ahead and compromise work with our morals and cheat and do other bad things. Be true to your word. I live this one. I actually meant to write I love this one, but I said live instead. And I think I actually do live it for the most part. being honest is really the easiest way to live life in an untangled way. And if you are pressured to lie about something, change what you are doing. Be true to your friend. So true. Your friends are in a weird way something of yourself. Part of you is in each of your friends. And so if you are not true to them, you are hurting not only them, but yourself. I like that if you think about it, these three components all fit together.
I hope Thoreau will help you through your day. I know he always does. Always there with a great word to make you say "wow". Remember: a Thoreau quote a day keeps sadness at bay.

04 March 2011

the very first family game night

You know when you go through the cabinet of board games, blow a sheet of dust off the top, and look on the back of the box, you see a family playing the game. Fake smiles branded on their faces, their eyes filled with glee as they play. You've got Sister with an ostentatious bow in her hair, and Brother, whose hair is perfectly quaffed in the ever-stylish bowl cut. Then Dad is somewhere on the periphery, completely engaged in the game, and then Mom is usually placing her perfectly manicured hand on either Brother or Sister's shoulder. Sometimes even Grandma plays. And each one dons a different fluorescent colored jersey-type shirt. You know. It's the typical family.
And then in the corner is the little post-it note with a flyaway edge that says, "Plan a Family Game Night!"
Now doesn't that sound lovely. Amidst three sports, a handful of AP classes, and a bunch of other fluff in between, it seems we could have more than enough time for that.
You may not believe it, but we don't have family game nights. Nor do we really have family nights. A lot of times we split up into groups and go to different activities, but rarely do we do something completely together. Until tonight.
We actually did a lot of fun things we don't normally do. First we went to dinner at Alpine Bakery, which to me sounded like a Panera Bread. As my history teacher says about Abe Lincoln being a "country bumpkin", "far from it". This was nothing like what I thought. It was beyond the realms of fancy. The name and the location are deceiving. It was a sit down restaurant, and they actually created the pasta in there. It wasn't Barrilla from a box from Publix. This was the real stuff. And boy does the real stuff taste spectacular.
And since it's a bakery, there was a gourmet glass-window style display of cakes, eclairs, croissants, canolis, and every type of cake you could imagine. I could feel pounds of fat just being added to my body as I stared with ravenous eyes at the beauties in front of me. It was an experience, to say the least. Absolutely 5 stars. If we were in France, this would top le Guide Michelen.
So after that, we went home and we decided to go ice skating. I haven't been skating in at least three years. I used to play hockey too, and so the rink was a normal place for me. But it was going to be so great to get back there. And my sister plays, as you know, and she was eager to teach my younger brother how to skate.
And my parents came too. We all skated. And it felt like we were this really great, happy family just like the cheesy ones on the back of board games. But we are a real family, and we aren't wearing ridiculous bows, monochromatic, oversized jerseys, and "show smiles".
We were finally doing something all together that we all enjoyed. And my brother is getting a lot betting at skating.
We may not have had a family game night. Instead we had a family bakery/restaurant and skating night. And that's a lot better than a family game night. For sure.

03 March 2011

floating

Sometimes I wish I was incredibly average and boring, much like the Unknown Citizen. But I'm not. So of course this will cost me 16 points on a test that I should have completely aced.
Even though my teacher won't give us points back for questions we missed, he lets us argue them. So I argued a point. And of course I answered the theme that I thought was right. But the only reason his was "right" is because he thinks it's right. And why would one question a doctor?
Well I did because I don't think his answer made any sense. He just said that most scholars believe that this is the correct theme, and so does he, so it must be the correct theme. And any thought I have must be invalid. Because I don't have a doctorial degree.
He said the goal of this class is to create informed citizens. But I think that this is making us into unknown citizens. Informed citizens formulate their own thougths. They don't take other people's thoughts and regurgiate them like robots. I'm the informed citizen here.
But he doen't see my point and of course we moved on and I sat in angst. That's my favorite part about school. It's a cookie cutter. And maybe I have more dough than can fit. So all the good dough spills out of the cookie cutter and goes unnoticed.
School is just a way of making us into little identical cogs in a machine. They don't care for our individuality or our thoughts. When I grown up and become a politician, which will probably never happen, I will reform this corrupt sysem.
Now that I have finished my rant, I'll begin.
That made me mad. I knew that I knew many great things about all of those poems and I had makde my own ideas about them. But his test didn't let me show them. And now it looks like I never studied. My friend didn't even read the poems and she got a higher grade than me.
I decided I needed to escape this ridculous world for a little while, so I did. I took this wonderfully warm bath and I made a chocolate milkshake (arguable the best drink ever) to have while I lounged. But best of all was the Italian symphony music I had playing the background. It's like opera music without the singing. It's from my Elegant Italy Lifescapes CD. It's really just the best. I just sat there, half floating in the water, as my brain muscles relaxed. It was the most peacful and wonderful way to end a day.
I read an article about 20 things moms should not be ashamed of doing. They were all things that would be special things for herself, like getting a manicure or a massage, or taking a nap. We should never feel like we are pressured to do everything all the time. Sometimes you have to just sit and take a load off. Sometimes you have to indulge. And for me that was rihgt now. And now I think I'll indulge in a little sleep. Good night, my friends.

02 March 2011

don't rain, the parade hasn't started yet.

Normally I think of the title of my posts during the middle or sometime after I finish. But I came up with this one first, before I wrote anything else.
And that's because I had a revelation. So yesterday I signed my life away when I took the cardiovascular test - 9 pages of pure you know what, with no multiple choice. Just short answer, fill in the blank, and essays. And when you don't remember the word hemolysis, or you might have forgotten what happens to a baby with hemolytic disease of the newborn, or maybe you just put one of the nodes out of order for the intrinsic conduction system, there is no mercy. No 'all of the above', no time to skip it and come back to it later.
But the best part is that we grade our own tests during class the next day. It's like living through your own death for 50 whole minutes. But since this test is so long, it spans 2 whole days. Like a terrible carnival circus.
So now we will all be sleep deprived, sitting in complete torture not knowing our grades until tomorrow. And tomorrow we go over the essays. Which was the biggest zit on my test. My handwriting was so abysmal that not even I can tell what it says.
My plan was to skip 3rd period today and then just come back all the other periods, but my father denied my request. So I had to go. It was my civic duty to go.
So we started correcting the test. The whole time everyone in the room is in a half-hopeful, half-I-don't-even-care-anymore mood. I was sort of on the half-hopeful side. But then your dreams are crushed when he tells you that your answer is wrong and there is no chance of half credit. And then you sigh this long, dramatic, heaving sigh, and the process repeats.
I kept on drawing Xs, subtracting points, and the outlook was dismal. I was a little bit sad.
We have this ritual in that class on grading days. If we know we did badly, we get out our calculators so we can add all the points. We will always say, "Is it a calculator day?" And yes, today was one of those days. So I grabbed mine and added the points. It was almost like cutting off your limbs and watching yourself shrivel up and die. But since the test was out of 200 points, and I only missed 30 points, I had an 85.
And I was expecting to fail.
The whole day I was expecting that I had failed. We haven't finished grading, but the lowest I could get, if I didn't write anything for either essay, is barely failing. So since I know I got the first essay completely right (we'll see on that second one..), I know that grade is out of the question.
I woke up this morning with the mindset that I was going to fail. It was a given and I would need to accept it. But instead, I was pleasantly surprised.
But I limited myself to being pessimistic and I didn't let myself think of anything but failure. I mean, I don't have to be all "Even though I didn't study, I'll pretend I did really good!", but opening your mind to the possibilities can change your day. And since I thought this would be a bad day, I thought I would have nothing happy to write about. But instead, I got to see our school put on the play Eurydice during French and we did a fun activity in history.
You can't rain on the parade if it hasn't started yet. At least wait for the vintage cars and the marching bands to play before you decide to rain on it.
Si vous ouvrez votre esprit, vous verrez chaque possibilité, et vous changerez vos pensées.
If you are not French or do not know French, I have two words for you: Google Translate.
Two random thoughts: (1) This post has a record-breaking number of spelling errors [which I corrected, I hope], and (2) I hate when I'm typing a contraction like shouldn't and won't, and I accidentally press ; so the word would be don;t instead of don't. They should consider changing the keyboards.

01 March 2011

home sweet home

Happy March! Only 14 more days until the most terrible day of them all..perhaps I will stumble upon a soothsayer.
March really came in with a bang, appropriate since March is often associated with March Madness. We had a thunderstorm with hail and tons of rain and wind. It was pretty bad. The power went out for some people, the tornado siren was going off in other parts of town, and a lot of things were canceled, like my sister's band concert.
But something horrific happened in this time that I just found out about this morning. In my friend's neighborhood, which is close to school, one of the family's houses burned down. I don't know how bad, but I heard it was to the ground. I don't want to change the story, so that's all I'll say. My sister knows the girl; she came to school today.
Imagine if that happened to you. I can't even think of what that would be like. All of your furniture, appliances, photographs, school work, and memories - gone. Memories that spanned over generations and hundreds of years - gone in minutes.
The fact that something can be that destructive is really scary. But I bet it's scarier for the family.
I have to admit today was not a fabulous day, because I had two tests and I know I didn't do very well on them. But imagine if what happened to them happened to us and I still had to take the tests. It makes me seem very selfish and greedy to want so much and not appreciate what I have.
If someone said to you, be lucky you have a house, you may think, well, everyone had a house, so I don't have it much better than many others. In 2010, 3.5 million people in our country went to sleep not under a roof and in a bed, but under just the sky and on the ground, in a car, or in a store.
And America is one of the best countries in the world. And we have homelessness problems. Everyday when we come home from school or work, we have a house. We have shelter. And shelter is one of the 3 basic survival needs. Yet 3.5 million go without.
I know it's important to remember the small things, but don't forget the big things that we often overlook. I bet most of us wake up in the morning and eat some breakfast. We don't have to go farther than the fridge or the pantry to get it. Some people wait in lines for it. And food isn't a human right, it's a survival need.
All of my prayers go out to this family. Let God guide you through this difficult time.