12 December 2011

the sun will rise again

Today was either going to be the best day ever or the worst.
And it wasn't the best day ever.
It was a rather crushing, devastating, disappointing, sad, lugubrious day. That's the type of day it was.
Because despite all my efforts, I was deferred from Georgetown. I didn't even have to read more than 5 words to tell from the dismal letter. There were no exclamation marks or balloons. Just a "sorry, but" and a few "thanks for your interest"s. So I fell into a depressed coma all day long and played sad music in my head, like really emotional Adele songs and dark John Mayer songs. I felt my energy draining away. For all the things that go wrong for our family and all the bad luck we have, there has to be something that will go right. But nope, not always. The cycle continues.
I know I still have another chance and I am not completely rejected, but I have lost all hope. Basically, I will not be going there next year. But the sad part is, if I just went and didn't need to apply, I would probably do fine, just like all the other folks going there.
But I'm not going.
I'm not going to pretend I'm not sad because I cried all day about it. And I'm not going to say that I regret doing anything I did. Because everything on the application was perfect, I thought.
But I don't have to say that I hope things will improve, because I know they will. The sun always comes out after it rains. No matter what, it will always reappear. There will always be something to make me smile or laugh after I cry.
I'm not going to brush it off, because it's devastating for someone to say "we're too good for you". But I realized after a few hours that the world isn't completely over, and if I want to continue with my life, I can. If I want to sit on the sidewalk and cry, I guess I can do that too for some time, but eventually I will want to come out into the light.
I don't know what they were contemplating when they put me in the slender business envelope pile, and I wish I could change it. I'm not going to force myself to be chipper tomorrow if I'm not, but I'll remember that life will keep going on - with or without me.
This post is for everyone who has ever been rejected by anyone or place - the sun will rise again, mes amis.

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