plant some passion in your mental garden

Today, go cultivate something. But don't run out to The Home Depot and by yourself a couple packs of sunflower seeds; go plant some passion in your mental garden.

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Passion is universal humanity. Without it religion, history, romance and art would be useless.

- Honoré de Balzac

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Follow your passion, and success will follow you.

Terri Guillemets

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There was a reason I started today's post with 2 quotes (courtesy of quotegarden.com), but you'll just have to wait and see what it is.

Sometimes when I write I have a clear vision of the message that I want to convey. Sometimes I have to think about my day and review it. I am a firm believer in fate and that all things happen for a reason. So while my day might be composed of just a few average events strung together, there is meaning in each day.
Today was, I would say, an average day. It was not gut-wrenching, difficult or piece of cake easy. It was fine. There wasn't really anything in the day that made me say wow, but it wasn't a bad day, by any means.
The difference was that today, I got out of the hot tub and jumped into the pool. I actually didn't go into a hot tub, and I didn't have swim practice today. What I mean is that I have been in winter break mode since December 22, and I hadn't switched into school mode since today. I decided that today I was not going to moan and groan about school and I was going to live school to the fullest. Meaning I was going to become engaged in everything today.
And having passion in something makes your day a lot more purposeful and fun. I mean, what's more boring than half-heartedly doing everything at a just-passing level? And even though I really hate math, I mean I really hate it, I engaged myself and actually found it a lot less daunting than I had thought. I read and reread everything for anatomy and thoughtful took notes, contemplating each idea and trying to picture it in my head, instead of just passively reading through and copying the book down in my head.
I also finished my senior ad, which is like unshackling myself because there will be no more senior ads EVER! And during this free time, instead of talking, I finished one of the best books I have ever read. Kate Chopin's The Awakening. What a book. Usually, I will start off really motivated to read a book and I will annotate the book until I've written a novel in my novel. But then the annotations start to become more few and widespread and my thoughtful reading turns into skimming and browsing. But I really wanted to finish this one, even though we had finished the unit about it. And what a book it was. The feelings that book contained and the emotions it made you feel were just overpoweringly passionate. I felt like I knew those people and that I too had known the Grand Isle and swum (?) in the vast sea. I was actually pretty depressed when I finished it because there was no sequel and no more stories that contained these very people. So if you have absolutely nothing to do, go read The Awakening. Plus it's Transcendentalist, so I fully endorse it.
And usually I can't be bothered to listen to stories about American history, but when I forced myself to take really close and thoughtful notes and thoughtfully analyze each story, it became pretty interesting. And I'm no history buff or anything.
But when you try to cultivate passion in even the most disagreeable of things, you will find that you enjoy the things that you never thought you would. You feel a sense of completion and wholeness. You feel less vapid and more vibrant. All the cells in your body feel happy and you can almost see them doing a happy dance that is crossed between a salsa, tango, and cha-cha.
So if anyone asks you if you are going to grow a garden this spring, say yes - you'll grow passion [fruits] (did you like my little ironic twist! delicious!).
And remember - anyone can be a farmer.

get up! yes, I'm talkin' to you!

I'd classify part one of my day as lard-ish. This morning I slept in until nine o'clock, even though school started at half past eight. I just didn't feel in a school sort of mood. I missed all of math, which I really didn't have a problem with, and I missed most of AP Lang, including a quiz.
I still have a senior ad burden, and I can't believe that this system we have still doesn't work. Oh well.
But worst of all, we have these groups in my anatomy class and they're called pods. We've been with them since the first day of school. Actually, due to schedule changes I've been with my pod for less. So a few months ago, fate brought 5 random high schoolers together. And now we're like best friends.
And this is when the happy story takes a wrong turn down Sad Street. Our teacher is breaking up our pods. All of our happy days of talking, sometimes about anatomy, sometimes about other things, like how great Italian food is and how sometimes people put pretty stupid questions on Yahoo Answers. All over. After next Friday, pod 2 will be kaput. Which is really depressing.
So after another somewhat angsty day (don't go reaching for the dictionnaires, I know it's not a word; however, my AP Lang teacher who is a DOCTOR made it up. You can do stuff like that when you're a doctor.), I came home, still sick from my whatever it is, and tried to finish my work. I had a somewhat loss of purpose, a "what am I doing this for?" sort of attitude. At least I had a warm brownie :)
I still feel cold-y, and so I wasn't going to go to swim practice. Because the last thing most people want to do when they are sick is go into a cold pool. At least that's me.
But I went anyway, hoping I could gain something from it to put in this post, or else it would just be a rambling rant, kind of like last night.
But once I got in the water, I felt like all of my weight was gone and that I was floating through air. I've never felt that way when I swim. But I swam a whole eight laps at around a full sprint and it felt great. I forgot I was sick. I just flew through the water and glided past everyone else in my lane. Happy music was playing in my head. I felt completely invincible.
We did a bunch of hard sets tonight. Well they really weren't hard, the intervals were just a little rough. Ten 50m catch up sprints and then twenty 50m sprints on tight intervals. But each time I went I felt amazing. I led the lane and ended first in each one. My arms cut through the water with precision and force and the water rushed off my shoulders and back as I whipped around the wall to go back. When I pushed off the wall underwater I straightened my body so well I wish I could have seen it. It was a mental cleansing in a physical way. A meditation while you are moving.
I can't even duplicate the feeling. It's like you are a superhuman with amazing powers and it didn't feel like I was trying. My lungs felt gigantic and almost like I didn't need to breathe. But I did, just so my little dreamland adventure wouldn't end with me drowning.
I've heard that exercise is really good for not only your physical health but your mental health. Lots of times people who are sedentary get depressed. And lots of times disorders like insomnia, depression, and the like are caused in part by lack of exercise. Exercise makes people feel happy because the activity releases endorphins, which make you happy. It also increases your body temperature and gets your blood flowing. One reason why I feel a lot better and less sick. It also gives you a chance to make you feel good about yourself.
Next time you have a pretty bad day, exercise! You may have to drag yourself to do it, or have your friend drag you to do it, but once you're done it feels amazing. And it's addictively fun (I know that's not a word..can't think of a better one). Instead of trying to ease your stresses and calm your mind with chemicals and other unnatural things, trying getting up and moving. You don't have to be the Michael Phelps swimmer, but even just randomly running around your house can make you feel better.
I love swimming :)

turn it around

Today I was contemplating not writing, and as it seems now I won’t be able to post as scheduled because the website is down. Just one more thing to make this day worse.
First, I have a cold. It’s awful. I knew I said I wouldn’t complain but that horrible feeling of defeat has come over me. And our kitty is still sick so after a vapid day at school I didn’t get to come home and cuddle with a warm, purring kitty. He has the flu and a fever. I guess we’re both not having a great time.
Today really was not that awful of a day, I mean I didn’t spill some toxic gas in my eye and have to be rushed to the ER before my eyeball turned into vapor, and I didn’t almost get run over by a moving van, but it was just the minor-scratch-in-the-marble-sculpture sort of day. That’s my metaphor for my life. At least my school life. It’s like a marble sculpture. Completely perfect. And bad grades ruin that sculpture. And evidently my day.
But what’s worse than finding out you did a lot worse on your essay than you though you did and having your teacher tell you that you misinterpreted the assignment is having your teacher make copies of some great essays and reading them out loud. Except these aren’t just 2 essays. These are the essays authored by Annoyingly-Obsessively-Perfect-Student-Number-1 and her sidekick Annoyingly-Obsessively-Perfect-Student-Number-2. And here he goes reading them out loud and interjecting a few “well isn’t this a well written piece” and “this is very well constructed”, and the worst of all, “this is what you should model your essay after”. After almost puking on the floor with jealously, the bell thankfully rung, ending the misery – for now.
A few hours later I realized, in yearbook class, that I still had to contact a parent about a senior ad. I signed up for this section after hearing how easy it was. It’s rough. Completely not easy. And I forgot about this ad over winter break, and now it’s a burden just sitting there like a summer reading book assignment.
To top it all off, I didn’t get an A on my French final, and I almost lost it. French is like, my thing. It’s what I do. And I didn’t come out on top. Poop.
So all day I pretty much wallowed in self-pity and felt like I was the victim of society. I still feel that school is much to grade-oriented, and that grades are the only motivation in school. I mean, would high schoolers really spend their weekend studying American history or physics if they didn’t have to do well in the class or on the AP test? Public schools are much too focused on passing you off, testing you, analyzing you, compartmentalizing things, giving out credit, and completely discouraging free thinking, creative and unconventional ways of doing things, and enthusiasm in learning. I really question what the purpose of public school is sometimes. Is it about learning or is it just a means to an end?
This got me thinking that there are a lot of problems in the world. Each household has its own problems. So does each neighborhood. Each country. Each social class. Each age group. Each person. Poverty, hunger, disease, animal abuse, inhumane actions, war, poor economies, bad working conditions, bad food, dirty water, injustice, prejudice. The list goes on.
I was thinking about the schools. But then I think that some people don’t have schools, and they have to work on farms or factories instead. And then I wondered if the working conditions in the factory were bad. And I got really discouraged.
But I realized that there are and always will be an infinite amount of problems in the world. And we can never rectify all of them. We have to learn to accept that there may not always be peace and that we cannot save the world from every problem. I know I wish I could. I would if I could. Getting caught up in things we can’t necessarily control can interfere with our ability to deal with things we can control. And it can prevent us from achieving a healthy state of mind.
I digress.
Now that I’ve finished my political banter, I’ll come back to the real world and get back on topic.
So then I came home and moped and grouched and made everyone feel sad and depressed. To tell you the truth it was not a very wonderful day. But there was something that turned my attitude around. And as I write this post, now calm and composed, I feel much better having done this.
I recently made a calendar, as you know, because I dedicated a whole post to it, and because of what happened that day that calendar is very special to me. Anyway, I decided to write in all of my friends and relatives birthdays on the calendar. Then I had a great idea – why not send little birthday cards to all of these people on their birthdays? I mean, we always do, but all I ever do is write “Love Megan” and scribble a little heart that looks like two intersecting spears. So I thought I could hand make cards and send them to people when their birthdays come around. And I’d write a little heartfelt message, a personal message, to each person. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Hallmark $.99 are great, but one that you took your time to make really hits home. So I looked through my menagerie of photos and picked some that would make good cards. I then changed my mind and decided to make them into birthday postcards to save paper (I’m one of those save paper, recycle, solar energy, global-warming-is-the-end-of-humanity freaks).
I felt like such a great person when I wrote the messages to each person on my list, but mostly because I was imagining how they would react when they received their little postcard from someone that they don’t talk to very often. I would be just so overjoyed if someone did that for me. So I know it would make someone else happy.
Diverting my attention from my problems and focusing my attention on something that was not about me let me forget about myself and focus on something for someone else. All I did all day was think about how awful everything was. And while today was not the best day ever (it was actually one of the first to be eliminated in the Best Day Ever contest), focusing on someone else even in a rough time can help give yourself purpose and enrich your life. My gesture was small. But I know it will be appreciated.
So the next time you feel down on your luck, try thinking of helping someone close to you, writing a long lost friend, or sending relatives baked goods. Thinking about me all the time can get pretty boring, and it makes you feel warm and fuzzy to do something good for someone else.

bonne année et bonne santé!

I've started to get into a routine of finding things to put into my posts everyday, but today did not come as easily as other days have. Today was half great and half not great. Let's start with half full.
Well, I went shopping today and found lots of great clothes and great deals! Gotta love coupons! And I got 2 new pairs of shoes - 1 snazzy pair and 1 fancy pair; there is a difference - which are absolutely fabulous. It was a good shopping day.
But..our new kitty is sick with some sort of obscure kitty malady and he wasn't himself all day. It was sad. And now I - me! - have a itchy throat.
And I don't get sick. It's just not what I do. I get sick maybe once a year or once every other year for about a day and all I can do is moan and cry and say how horrible my life is and why oh why would me of all people get sick. When there are tons of other people who are even more sick for like, their whole lives. My "illnesses" usually last about a day or two and then it's done. Until next year, or the year after that. Really, it's a pretty good deal. I get sick once in a while, and I'm fine the rest of the time.
But there's something about being sick that just makes me feel defeated, like the whole world was out to get me, and the world has defeated me, and my sickness is my surrendering. It's kind of messed up.
But this is my chance to change that. Instead of this melodramatic-ness, I will try (which means I am not guaranteeing it will work) to not believe that it is the end of humankind and that meteors are headed for the planet.
But the cool thing about being sick is that it makes you feel happier when you're better. It makes you appreciate the times when you aren't sick a lot more. Like, boy, it feels great not having to drink seventy pounds of orange juice to try and make my throat feel better!
I read an article on CNN - there's an app for that now - about this little girl who lives in Afghanistan. Apparently, Afghanistan is the world's worst - as in number 1 - worst country for children to live, according to UNICEF. This little 5 year old has to care for her family. She has to try and start fires to keep her family warm in the harsh winter. She barely has enough food to stay alive. And her younger brother passed away last year from hypothermia. She blows on her hands to try and keep them warm. She uses trash in the streets to try and start fires. She is struggling to survive. Her family, and her health, is at stake.
And meanwhile, I'm sitting, holding my iPad, which millions of Americans kill to have, sitting in my fancily-furnished little mansion, complaining about my sore throat. As I look at the pictures of this sweet little girl and her family, I can't help but realize how stupid it is to complain about such a simple little problem that will go away in a couple days.
Yeah, sore throats are annoying and it makes your throat hurt every time saliva travels down your esophagus. But I don't struggle for food. I just walk over to the fridge, grab a juice pouch and some cheese, and plop in front of the couch watching reruns. I don't struggle for warmth. If I'm cold I go upstairs to the closet and pick from more than 10 different jackets. Or I go over and press a button to make the heat come on. I don't live in a hut with a plastic bag over my head. I live in a less that 10 year old house.
The more I think this through, the less I think about my sore throat, and the more I think about how happy I should be with how my life is. After all, it is really pretty great. We may not live with the Scandinavians, where the quality of life is off the charts, but we're in the top 20. Certainly not anywhere close to dead last.
The French have a saying that they, well, say, on New Year's Eve - bonne année et bonne santé - which literally means, "good year and good health". Basically, they are wishing you a prosperous new year and good health. We should all wish good health to one another, and we should also be thankful for our own good health.

So if anyone says to you, bonne santé!, reply back with et toi aussi!

Beethoven's 5th

Sometimes if you want to bring a new sort of enthusiasm into your life, you have to shake it up.
'Cause if you sit in your kitchen, play on your iPad all day and eat Toy Story macaroni and cheese (actually, sometimes it's Spongebob or Scooby Doo - on rare occasions it's Pokemon) for every meal, you'll fall into a hole. This hole is dark, depressing, and boring. And its hard to escape from. I guess all holes are hard to escape from. Depending on their depth.
Today I went with some friends to a Mexican restaurant. I never go to Mexican restaurants. Actually, when my parents went there and liked it, I thought they'd lost their marbles. My friend encouraged me to go, and for the first time in forever, I went to a Mexican restaurant (except for the time I went to Taco Bell on a school trip, against my will. Never again.).
And guess what?
I liked it. I loved it. The food was incredible. Everything was so good. The food just melted in my mouth and my taste buds were dancing and singing all at once with passion and zest - Beethoven's 5th Symphony!
This simple meal that I found as I ventured outside of the pond pulled me out of that hole. It made me feel dynamic and exciting, even though I just ate at a Mexican restaurant. but whatever it is - whether you eat at a different restaurant like adventurous little me, or you go someplace you've never been to before.
Once you see the life outside of the hole, you won't want to jump back into the hole.

indulgence

indulgence.
What comes to mind when you see this word? Personally, its a Lindor chocolate truffle commercial or a perfume commercial. But really, when you indulge yourself, you are satisying a craving for something; and this can be anything. It doesn't have to be food, although that is what the word is implies.
Anyway, I have found that a little indulgence goes a long way.
Today I went to an art studio and fused glass to make a shallow dish (for the first time!) and it was the most relaxing and fun thing I had done in a few weeks. It was so peaceful and fun that I was a little sad when it was over. But after that, I had the world's best frozen yogurt in the world. Sfter having typed that sentence, it seems a little redundant because clearly if it's the best frozen yogurt in the world than it's the world's best. Oh well.
I see people all the time - my friends, my family, random strangers - who seem unhappy, stressed, tired, overwhelmed, and in a hurry. They are always doing a bunch of different things, rushing from point A to point B, and not slowing down to do one enjoyable thing.
But if you make a point to stop, every so often, perhaps once a day or once a week, and indulge yourself in something that you love, you will feel more rejuvenated and excited to do the things that you have to do.
It's a simple sort of philosophy, almost like a balance. If doing your duties - to your family, friends, and work - outweighs your "me time" to a large extent, you will be so consumed that you won't be able to give anything to yourself. And in reverse, if you deny your duties and indulge yourself too much, you will no longer feel purpose.
So indulgence is not something to shy away from. Every so often, indulge yourself. It really pays off.

everyone matters

Happy new year! It's exciting to start a new year, a clean slate, full of possibilities and hope. It's funny that everyone feels that way in the beginning, and come December everyone can't wait to start anew.
You could say that I have sort of a knack for photography - I mean, I'm no professional or anything, I don't even have a fancy camera with tons of different lenses. But anyway, I compiled a bunch of my pictures and turned it into a calendar. The only thing I had to do was print it out and put a little spiral ring binding on it.
I planned to do it at the office where it wouldn't cost any money, but after an hour of trying with the printers, we realized that the network was down because it was a holiday. I was utterly deflated. I had spent so long compiling this calendar and we had come all this way for nothing.
Kinkos was closed too. I felt completely depressed. It was raining, pouring, actually, and for whatever reason I just got so caught up in having my calendar finished. So we pulled into Staples and they were open (yes!).
We walked into the almost empty store and went over to customer service, where a middle-aged woman came and took us back to help us. We had a lot of pages to print, and I knew it was going to take a while.
But she stayed and helped us for almost an hour figuring out how to print it perfectly. She complimented my photographs and asked me if I was interested in pursuing photography. Then, as she was binding the finished product, the edge of the page got cut. It was barely noticeable. Instead of saying nothing, she said, "if we make a mistake, we don't charge" with a little smile. I was so elated it was almost audible. After a whole afternoon of anguish, she didn't charge us anything. Not even half off, or 10% off. The whole thing. It would have been about a dollar a page and then money for the binding. About $30 or $40. That we didn't have to spend.
The whole day turned around. I felt so happy that someone would do something that nice for a stranger. And to tell you the truth, she really didn't mess up the calendar.
I was reading a chapter of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Teens by Richard Carlson and the chapter is titled "Convince yourself that one teen does make a difference". And this is completely true. It can apply to people in general. One person can make a difference. One person a long time ago was brave enough to revolt against the oppression of the government and help gain the independence of the United States. One person was brave enough to stand up for a whole race and fight for their equal rights. And while this is to a lesser degree, that one person made my day. Had she not been so nice I would have been moping around and feeling sorry for myself. But her kindness to a total stranger without expecting anything in return was really heartwarming.

So when your really down on yourself and feel like the world is against you, convince yourself that one person really does make a difference.