20 May 2011

right now

About 6 years ago at this time, I was leaving my home state, the only place I had ever lived, and I was moving to a state I barely knew anything about, more than 1000 miles away.
I was leaving my street, my school, my friends, my family, and my memories. My whole life. And I was leaving my best friend in the whole world.
The thing is, I was leaving and beginning anew. But she was just staying there, living on her same life without me. Like something was missing. I was just changing. And I could never understand how she felt, because I was too busy with my new life to think about it.
We never lost contact, and we are always texting each other or Skyping. But it was a really devastating move, and for years I missed it so much and I hoped nothing would work out so we could move back. But now, while I love home, I love the ATL too. And I love my friends, too, and I don't want them to ever leave.
But unfortunately today was the last day of school for the seniors, and next Friday is their graduation. And even more unfortunately, I know a lot of seniors and I am good friends with a lot of them from some of my classes. I can't bare to see them leave, but this time I'm on the other side of the equation. As they move onto greater adventures, I stay here, wallowing along without them. It's going to be really sad, but mostly because next year, that will be me.
I had to get out of my prolonged bittersweet sadness so I went out to dinner with one of my best friends, one of her friends, and our two guy friends. We were at this fun Mexican restaurant when we started talking about how we were going to be here in a year, worrying about what comes next. We all got a little sad.
But we have to remind ourselves that we still have a whole year, and we can't waste it thinking we have no time left.
And as you might know, there's a conspiracy that the world is going to end tomorrow. And one of them said "well, if the world's going to end tomorrow, this was a good way to spend the last day!" And while it was jokingly, it's true. Take one day at a time, and enjoy it for what it is. Don't take away the potential of a day because you might only have one day.
That's how terminal cancer patients live - one day at a time. They might know their lives are close to the end, they might even know what day they will stop living here. But they still live like they have everything and that they are well.
And we are just kids, going onto something great in a year.
And whatever happens happens. There will be mistakes along the way, there will be setbacks, and sadness. But we can't let it get in the way of enjoying the beauty of right now.

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