07 August 2011

silent solace

Life is certainly not easy.
I actually had a really bad day today. It was long, hard, stressful, and depressing. I wish that I was 8 years old right now; the prime age, the big enough but not too old age, the fun happy-go-lucky age. Instead of right now, the stressful, tense, rigid life that lies ahead. I guess I'm homesick for childhood. And all that is pure and innocent.
But I was 8 too long ago, and what used to be a daydream is now reality. The impending doom of college applications, and going to college, the grueling amount of work that lies ahead in just this year, the summer work for right now, and all of the other things I will have to do when I live by myself.
And no matter what, even if you know people doing the same thing as you, no one really knows how you feel. Because everyone interprets things differently. My friends might be doing all the same work, but we feel differently about it. So it's hard to relate to people who are conflicted or stressed. And sometimes people will just never understand how you feel.
But my cat does. I was sitting in the hallway crying when he woke up and made a little squeak noise. So I picked him up and put him in my lap so he sat like a person and he licked away my tears. Probably because they were salty, but it's the thought that counts. And when I talked to him and told him that I was sad, he made another little meow-squeak and continued to lick my tears away. And we sat in the dark hallway and he purred on my lap while I hugged him and instantly I felt a little better.
I didn't need to be told things would get better. Or that things are better if you look on the bright side. I just needed a hug, and my cat gave me one. And sometimes the unassuming, nonjudgmental nature of animals is much more comforting than words.

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